He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
