please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
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woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
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I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of