Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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