i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
