We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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