I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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