Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
