I'm so fucking centered right now
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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