need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
