He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize