He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
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Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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