It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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