In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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