But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize