just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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