My sheets look like a crime scene.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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