Where is the hickey?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
