It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
