i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
