Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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