you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
