just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize