Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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