so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
