Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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