we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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