Whod you bang
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
