Soap is not a condiment
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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