can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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