You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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