I'm lost and stupid without you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
