I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize