my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
