I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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