Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.