then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
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I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background