he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.