I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow