Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I wish there were birth control emojis
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo