Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.