come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
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We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains