So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
