my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
