The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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