u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize