No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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