i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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