i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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