plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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