Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*