I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.