I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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