It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.