that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.