I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
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Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been