The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
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Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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