forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We are two peas in an std pod
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.