Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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