I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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