definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize