Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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